Keeping things Positive

As I was leaving vision rehab today I stopped by our school's optical shop to get G's old glasses made into sunglasses. (he had lasik and no longer needs prescription glasses). While there, I ran into a girl in our fourth year class who had taken a medical leave.

Now, anyone in our school who reads this will know who I'm referring to, but I'm not going to publically mention her name. Shortly after having a very difficult pregnancy, this girl left our class on medical leave. I came to find out later, she was diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension. PH is EXTREMEMLY rare occuring in about 2 out of every million people. It's more common as a secondary disorder (meaning it was caused by something else like lupus or systemic medications). She had none of that. She has the very rare primary kind.

She attempted to come back to school this semester to finish out her clincial rotations. She has already fallen too far behind to graduate with our class, which really saddens me. She was in my clinic group for family practice on Thursday and I'd see her bravely trotting down the hall after her patients with her IV pump attached to her hip and over her shoulder. She has to be the bravest person I know. After four or so weeks in clinic she disappeared. The attending didn't know where she went, and I was almost scared to ask. My inquiries did turn up that she wasn't hospitalized (thank goodness). The next week, she was no longer on our schedule in family practice. Shit.

Seeing her today (five or so weeks later) she's lost a LOT of weight (and this was a girl who was only slightly fleshy). She's VERY thin and gaunt looking, but still had her trademark smile. I still got a huge hug (despite of her chest inserted IV line) and a "great to see you!". We caught up, I asked about her baby, and how she was doing/feeling. i almost hated to ask, but I had to know.

She's on the transplant list. Now, i've never known anyone on the transplant list. It's a new thing for me. Not being in a hospital setting this isn't something I routinely come across with patients. I didn't even know how to react when she told me. I told her she's in my thoughts and prayers (like all people say when confronted with that scenario), but what does that really mean ? She is.. I'll pray for her to match every day. But saying it just sounds so routine and cheesy.Almost like it's what expected and not what I really mean. When I asked her what it means to be on the list ... she smiled and said "it means I get to live".

I. can't .even .fathom.

I wish I were half that brave. I hope to God she gets off the list soon. I also hope I can keep in touch with her after graduation. I want to be there when she walks the stage as a doctor. You're in my heart, girl.